Thanks to that kind person who left a message on the previous post. So very kind and much appreciated.
A quick update:
My child is in a new school, is 12, full of pre-teen sarcasm :) and is doing a million times beeter than that post 2 yrs ago.
Things are not perfect but they are allot better. My wife and I have become serious advocates for children wit mental illnesses and often advise other parents that are going through what we went through.
My child was chosen as a national "face" of mental illness --some thing she really wanted to do and we are so proud of her. I will try to keep this more upto date --no promises--but i'll try.
Alos look at our other websire - www.sqeekywheel.com
pace friends
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
A Hard Choice
So we were faced with a decision and we had to make a choice.
The circumstances were that our child was becoming more and more unstable and the medication was doing little to help her be well. So after a long series of talks with my wife and with the people who are part of our team - this being teachers and doctors and help workers - we decided we had to hospitalize our 10 year old girl.
OK so what does this mean?
It means she will have to be away from home - except for weekends - for the next 2 to 4 weeks.
The reason for this is that we need to figure out what medications work, which don't, and what the long term strategy is. The goal is to have our daughter back in the school and at home in a stable way so that she is happier.
The problem is that our home is so much more emptier without her here. I cried yesterday when I got home because she wasn't here to greet me.
And its going to be very hard on her at the hospital. I hope to God she doesn't come to hate us for this. We Love her so much and my hearty breaks at what she is going through.
We need a better system folks.
a better system. like for instance at any regular hospital myself or my wife would be allowed to say with our girl,
Not if it's a "mental" illness though.
So mt daughter and my wife and I are discriminated against. we should be with her now. Staying with her over night. Reading to her before bed. Or just having her ignore us while she plays or reads.
WHY CAN'T THIS BE A REALITY?
Because the system does not allow it.
What utter crap.
The circumstances were that our child was becoming more and more unstable and the medication was doing little to help her be well. So after a long series of talks with my wife and with the people who are part of our team - this being teachers and doctors and help workers - we decided we had to hospitalize our 10 year old girl.
OK so what does this mean?
It means she will have to be away from home - except for weekends - for the next 2 to 4 weeks.
The reason for this is that we need to figure out what medications work, which don't, and what the long term strategy is. The goal is to have our daughter back in the school and at home in a stable way so that she is happier.
The problem is that our home is so much more emptier without her here. I cried yesterday when I got home because she wasn't here to greet me.
And its going to be very hard on her at the hospital. I hope to God she doesn't come to hate us for this. We Love her so much and my hearty breaks at what she is going through.
We need a better system folks.
a better system. like for instance at any regular hospital myself or my wife would be allowed to say with our girl,
Not if it's a "mental" illness though.
So mt daughter and my wife and I are discriminated against. we should be with her now. Staying with her over night. Reading to her before bed. Or just having her ignore us while she plays or reads.
WHY CAN'T THIS BE A REALITY?
Because the system does not allow it.
What utter crap.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Came Home
Came home today after being out for a few hours. Found my wife crying, my child angry and nothing changed. We have got to find an effective medication for our girl. Nothing has ever worked. She has never once been stable for longer than 3 weeks. And I am sick and tired of the never ending struggle.
Its like a storm, one min she is calm and respectful and most importantly happy. The next she is a ragging out of control beast. Why?
Someone said to me that we were given our beautiful girl as test. Well couldn't god or whom ever tested someone else other than our girl and family?
I hate God some days. I really do.
Its like a storm, one min she is calm and respectful and most importantly happy. The next she is a ragging out of control beast. Why?
Someone said to me that we were given our beautiful girl as test. Well couldn't god or whom ever tested someone else other than our girl and family?
I hate God some days. I really do.
In the begining
In order to start I need to start from the beginning.
10 years ago my wife gave birth to a beautiful red haired baby girl. We named her Our Child. And the world was full of promise. The very first thing I said to my daughter was "I will never leave you".
By the time Our Child was 2 my wife began to suspect that something was different about our girl. Something was a little more intense. I didn't think so...I was the stay at home parent at the time and had nothing to compare what was normal to what was different.
When Our Child was 3 she went to pre-school. Here we really began to think something was up. Out three year old was being violent with some of the teachers at the school. A pattern that would re-emerge more and more frequently as our girl got older and older.
When Our Child was 4 we moved to London Ontario.
Soon Our Child was attending a pre-school and the trouble really started. She would not settle for naps. She was hitting the teachers. She was screaming. She could never sit still. The list of complaint's and concerns from the people at the Daycare grew and grew and grew.
My wife thought we needed to look into this and get some professional advise.
After jumping through some hoops my determined wife got us into see a child psychiartist. He ran us through a battery of tests out of the famed DSM IV. That's the Diagnostic Statistical manual - Edition 4. The tool that psychiatrists and psychologists use to diagnose mental illness.
He diagnose she had ADHD. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He proscribed that first drug - ritalin. One of the things he said was that when she first took it she would cry. She did. For some illogical reason my heart thought that when she took that drug it brook something inside her.
As our daughter went into kindergarten and grade one, two three, four, and now five a number of things have gone on and gotten worse.
1. At the age of 5 our child had a few massive uncontrolled rages. In one memorable episode she trashed the staff room. A small 5 year old child tipped over conference tables , chairs, and had 4 fully grown staff members either frightened or concerned.
At the same time my child started too say she was the worst little girl in the world. A theme she still repeats today.
2. At the age of Six our girl was diagnosed with Bi polar disorder.
3. In grade one through 5 she has assaulted many members of the staff
4. She has been tried on as many as 9 medications including lithium.
5. The staff and administration at our school grew more and more attached to our child - and more and more worried and frustrated with her as well.
6. My wife has contacted, met with, bargained with, convinced members of the medical community, the superintendent of schools and school board, the school my daughter attends, social agencies and friends and family that out child and our family need help.
7. We are now exhausted as a family
All of this leads to one of the points for creating this bloc
The schools, the hospitals, the social services, the medical community at large and the government and most importantly the people of this province and country have got to start to organize and enable families to deal with and help our bi-polar children flourish.
here's a few examples of small things that could be done to help families like ours and our children
1. At a majority of hospitals you can stay over night with your child if they're admitted. Accommodation will be made for a parent to stay and comfort their child. In mental health hospital's this is not the case. If we were allowed to be with our sick child in one medical facility why are we not allowed to be with our child in another. Our child - like many others - has a close and loving relationship with her parents. How devastating for that child then to not be able to be with a parent when they go to sleep. Or even better why can't the child come home at night - something else not allowed.
2. There are no schools for our children to attend and little or no support for schools to help bi-polar children. With a small commitment in funding and training at our schools the lives of a thousand families in similar situations would be improved and the quality of lives for these families would increase immeasurably.
There are so many other core issues to deal with when raising a bi-polar child. And most of those issues falls on the parents to deal with alone.
Alone is an important word in this first post friends. Because that's the way so many families in situations like ours feel. ALONE.
Here is the last thing you need to know about our child. She is smart - so smart - and gifted and often thoughtful, and caring, and loving, and says things of such insight and beauty. When she was 5 we were watching my wife walk down the side walk on her way to work. My daughter said "my mother walks with grace and beauty in the sun". My 5 year old child.
All of these issues with her occur because of a few missing chemicals in her brain. Without these chemicals she has no control over her emotions. She is not spoilt, a brat, allowed to get away with murder, or any other quick diagnosis your average person would assume when seeing her loose control. She is simply sick, just like someone with diabetes, or cancer, or malaria. EXACTLY THE SAME. SICK. NOT SICK IN THE HEAD, BUT MEDICALLY SICK JUST LIKE OTHERS WITH OTHER DISEASES ARE.
No behavioral modification, Superman, or good old fashioned beating will change the fact that she has no control over how she feels most of thee time.
Can you imagine what that must feel like? Picture yourself at a funeral of someone you really love. A sad solomn occasion. And you start laughing and giggling - not because you are nervous or find something funny, but because you can't control how you feel.
Imagine what that must feel like for a child?
More soon.
Peace
S
10 years ago my wife gave birth to a beautiful red haired baby girl. We named her Our Child. And the world was full of promise. The very first thing I said to my daughter was "I will never leave you".
By the time Our Child was 2 my wife began to suspect that something was different about our girl. Something was a little more intense. I didn't think so...I was the stay at home parent at the time and had nothing to compare what was normal to what was different.
When Our Child was 3 she went to pre-school. Here we really began to think something was up. Out three year old was being violent with some of the teachers at the school. A pattern that would re-emerge more and more frequently as our girl got older and older.
When Our Child was 4 we moved to London Ontario.
Soon Our Child was attending a pre-school and the trouble really started. She would not settle for naps. She was hitting the teachers. She was screaming. She could never sit still. The list of complaint's and concerns from the people at the Daycare grew and grew and grew.
My wife thought we needed to look into this and get some professional advise.
After jumping through some hoops my determined wife got us into see a child psychiartist. He ran us through a battery of tests out of the famed DSM IV. That's the Diagnostic Statistical manual - Edition 4. The tool that psychiatrists and psychologists use to diagnose mental illness.
He diagnose she had ADHD. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He proscribed that first drug - ritalin. One of the things he said was that when she first took it she would cry. She did. For some illogical reason my heart thought that when she took that drug it brook something inside her.
As our daughter went into kindergarten and grade one, two three, four, and now five a number of things have gone on and gotten worse.
1. At the age of 5 our child had a few massive uncontrolled rages. In one memorable episode she trashed the staff room. A small 5 year old child tipped over conference tables , chairs, and had 4 fully grown staff members either frightened or concerned.
At the same time my child started too say she was the worst little girl in the world. A theme she still repeats today.
2. At the age of Six our girl was diagnosed with Bi polar disorder.
3. In grade one through 5 she has assaulted many members of the staff
4. She has been tried on as many as 9 medications including lithium.
5. The staff and administration at our school grew more and more attached to our child - and more and more worried and frustrated with her as well.
6. My wife has contacted, met with, bargained with, convinced members of the medical community, the superintendent of schools and school board, the school my daughter attends, social agencies and friends and family that out child and our family need help.
7. We are now exhausted as a family
All of this leads to one of the points for creating this bloc
The schools, the hospitals, the social services, the medical community at large and the government and most importantly the people of this province and country have got to start to organize and enable families to deal with and help our bi-polar children flourish.
here's a few examples of small things that could be done to help families like ours and our children
1. At a majority of hospitals you can stay over night with your child if they're admitted. Accommodation will be made for a parent to stay and comfort their child. In mental health hospital's this is not the case. If we were allowed to be with our sick child in one medical facility why are we not allowed to be with our child in another. Our child - like many others - has a close and loving relationship with her parents. How devastating for that child then to not be able to be with a parent when they go to sleep. Or even better why can't the child come home at night - something else not allowed.
2. There are no schools for our children to attend and little or no support for schools to help bi-polar children. With a small commitment in funding and training at our schools the lives of a thousand families in similar situations would be improved and the quality of lives for these families would increase immeasurably.
There are so many other core issues to deal with when raising a bi-polar child. And most of those issues falls on the parents to deal with alone.
Alone is an important word in this first post friends. Because that's the way so many families in situations like ours feel. ALONE.
Here is the last thing you need to know about our child. She is smart - so smart - and gifted and often thoughtful, and caring, and loving, and says things of such insight and beauty. When she was 5 we were watching my wife walk down the side walk on her way to work. My daughter said "my mother walks with grace and beauty in the sun". My 5 year old child.
All of these issues with her occur because of a few missing chemicals in her brain. Without these chemicals she has no control over her emotions. She is not spoilt, a brat, allowed to get away with murder, or any other quick diagnosis your average person would assume when seeing her loose control. She is simply sick, just like someone with diabetes, or cancer, or malaria. EXACTLY THE SAME. SICK. NOT SICK IN THE HEAD, BUT MEDICALLY SICK JUST LIKE OTHERS WITH OTHER DISEASES ARE.
No behavioral modification, Superman, or good old fashioned beating will change the fact that she has no control over how she feels most of thee time.
Can you imagine what that must feel like? Picture yourself at a funeral of someone you really love. A sad solomn occasion. And you start laughing and giggling - not because you are nervous or find something funny, but because you can't control how you feel.
Imagine what that must feel like for a child?
More soon.
Peace
S
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